February 14 ramblings

Ah, Valentine's Day. I'm not a big fan of greeting card holidays, but I did get Kev a stash of his favorite candy bars, and he took me out for lunch, since tonight I had a date with the senior citizens at the local care center. We watched Marmaduke and ate popcorn and drank cranberry juice. And then we chatted a bit, and I squeezed some lovely wrinkled hands and said good night.

I had all kinds of ideas jumping around in my head about what I would blog about today...I thought I could tell the story of how Kev and I met or write a poem to the dear man I can't wait to come home to whenever I'm away. But my mind keeps going back to a couple I saw at the care center. They were up toward the front of the dining hall doubling as a movie theater--he a resident and she a visitor. He struggled to hold up his head, so she lovingly held it up for him. And whenever she turned to look at him, I saw in her eyes a warmth and tenderness clearly reserved for her beloved.

I don't know this couple or their story, but I wondered what was going through the woman's mind. Here she was, watching the man she loves struggle and caring for him as if he were a child. I imagined myself in her situation, visiting my husband in a nursing home during the day and going home alone at night. The mere thought of it makes me feel hollow and empty. While the thought of growing old with Kev is romantic, the thought of the struggles that come with growing old scares me a bit.

Not long after we met, Kev told me about a very powerful dream he had. I can't remember all the details now, but the gist of it was that he clearly heard the message that he needed to hold onto the people in his life with an open hand--he needed to hold onto me with an open hand. I remember Kev being deeply affected by this dream, and it has since become a major theme, if you will, in our relationship. I don't mean in an easy-come-easy-go sense, but in the sense that the people God places in our lives belong to him; they're just on loan to us for a little while. If we hold onto them too tightly, we can lose sight of God's sovereignty. We love and cherish them in all situations when they're with us and praise God when they're with him.

I don't know how to relate all this back to Valentine's Day. Let's just say, I'm thankful for my devoted husband and for the way I've been blessed with a partner with whom to navigate this uncertain life. And while we hold onto the people we love gently, God holds onto us with both hands.